Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Play with me, or else

Hey. Lets play a game.

OK, this is how it goes. I have an imaginary friend, and I want you, me and him to be friends, and we will all be happy together. Well, he's not really a friend, he is smarter, older, and super powerful. Dude, he is so powerful it's not even funny. He made everything. Yeah, for real.

So anyway, because he is so powerful, we will both have to kiss his ass and do the things that he wants us to do. No, I've never actually heard him talk, so I don't know for sure what he wants us to do, but lots of other people have played with him before and they wrote a bunch of stuff down. In this book here. The book is old, so it's got to be true.

If we do the things my imaginary friend wants, then we will get rewarded. You have no idea man, look at me, I've been rewarded tons. I can't really show you, because I don't actually have them yet, but they are waiting for me in my imaginary friend's house. All kinds of things man, you wouldn't believe - pretty much anything you want now but you can't get, you'll get there. No man, I'm not making this up.

I've never been there, so I haven't actually seen them yet, but I know they are there. Don't know anyone else that has been there, or how to get there either, to be honest. I'm going to go there after I die. I just know. It's kind of like Neverland and Vegas all rolled up into one, but better, because you don't get a Visa bill at the end, and you won't get Herpes.

Oh, here is a list of a zillion rules that you have to follow to make my friend happy. Yeah, I know, it's kind a long list. If you follow all these rules your life is going to suck, but just follow as many as you can, and it will all be worth it when we get to my imaginary friend's house. It will be great. Trust me.

You're right, that rule is retarded, no one follows it anyway, just ignore it. We can't take it off the books though, you still have to feel guilty and sorry about it, even though we both know it's stupid. Oh, and don't say you heard it from me, but you see that rule there? No, the other one. Yeah, that one. You really have to ignore that one, because its kind of stupid, and if you follow it, you might die. Can't really take that one off the books either.

Well, here's the thing. If we change one rule, then people will start talking about how all the other rules don't make much sense either, and then next thing you know, everyone will realize this whole game is retarded, and I'll have no one to play with. Just stop thinking, stop trying to figure things out, and do what I tell you.

Isn't this fun?

Hey, where are you going? Come back here! You can't play with that other guy's imaginary friend, my imaginary friend is better. OMG dude, I'm for real, you can't do that. That's so not cool. Listen, if you keep playing with someone else's imaginary friend, not only will you blow your chance at all the rewards, but my imaginary friend will be hella pissed. No, he won't do anything, but I'll fucking kill you.

In other news, some muslim guy converted to christianity, so he has to die.



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